How To Live In Love (And I Don't Just Mean Romantically)
Updated: Apr 11, 2020
We often think of romantic relationships when we hear the word “love.” Although romantic relationships are a beautiful genre of love, the act of love is not exclusive to romance. In fact, love is not even something we simply give or receive with other people. It’s a way of life. Now, hear me out before you roll your eyes and write me off as living in a fantasy world.
When I say that love is a way of life, I mean that it’s a choice we make in how we are going to view not only ourselves and others but also life as a whole. Leading with Love means making conscious Love Choices every day.
Choose to release the ego
The Ego is the part of us who holds our past, our negative beliefs, our insecurities, and everything else that is based on lies and fear. Our Ego’s only job is to protect us from anything that could possibly hurt us. Which sounds great. But, to our Ego, ANYTHING has the potential to hurt us, so it tries to convince us to fear everything. Our Ego is the voice in our head that says, “Those people over there are talking about you.” Or “She got the raise instead of you because she’s prettier or smarter, etc.” Or, “Your partner just said something that clearly means he wants to break up with you -shut down, run away, protect yourself!”
The Ego convinces us that our perception of ourselves and other people’s perception of us is who we are. It convinces us that we are fragile and can be broken by the smallest insult or painful experience. But that’s not true. At our core, we are an indomitable energy that no one and nothing can ever even come close to scratching let alone destroying. Our true selves is a difficult concept to grasp at first, but the more you choose to recognize your core, the clearer she becomes. We access our Core Selves during Yoga or meditation or any moment where we experience complete inner peace. That peace comes from knowing that we existed before we were born into these lives and we will continue to exist afterward - no matter how difficult the experiences we face.
It is impossible to lead with love, to love ourselves and to love other people when we are living through the Ego. When we choose to lead with Love, we make a constant (and I do mean constant because, whoo, that Ego is persistent!) choice to recognize when our Ego is influencing our thoughts. Leading with Love means gently telling your ego, “Hey Ego, I love you, I know you’re trying to protect me but what you’re saying isn’t true. I know I am safe.”
Choose not to take anything personally
You know when someone says something and you just know that they mean something rude by it? That’s a trick question! The answer is no, you don’t know. You don’t know because we never really know what someone else is thinking or feeling. We don’t know, just like no one can truly know exactly what is going on in our minds or hearts. I recently read The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide To Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz. In it, he guides us to never take anything personally. Which also requires us to release the Ego.
Life immediately opens up to you when you embrace the concept that nothing anyone does has anything to do with you. That statement someone made that may have seemed rude - has nothing to do with you. That look that someone made when they walked past you today - has nothing to do with you. Someone could walk up to me right now and criticize everything about me. But if I am able to release the Ego and recognize that their statements have everything to do with their own shit and nothing to do with me, I can walk away unscathed.
Lead With Love, Especially When In Doubt
Now, I totally get that this may sound easier said than done, but here’s a trick I often use to stay on track. When my partner says something that hits an insecure spot in my Ego and I am tempted to shut down or lash out, I say, “Lead with Love, especially when in doubt.” This reminds me that - sure it’s easy to Love and release the Ego and embrace my Core Self and not take anything personally when nothing is really going wrong. But a surefire sign that it’s time to practice these Love Choices is when you’re in doubt; when you’re hurt or afraid of being hurt or insecure or unsure, when your mind is spinning with thoughts of insecurity - choose to quiet the Ego, embrace your Core Self, don’t take anything personally, and lead with some life-changing, light-filled Love.
Follow Katie Maloney Coaching on Instagram for some inspiration to help you stay in Love.